Tuesday, August 21, 2007

What the Fuck!? Files vol. 3 - Jelly Beans Apparently Integral to Canadian Sovereignty

Yes, you read that right: fucking jelly beans

Apparently, the domestic-politics-starved media have jumped on an offhand comment about Jelly Beans as some sort of political story.

Apparently, one of the great revelations of the Montebello summit regarding the Security and Prosperity Partnership was that Canadian and American jelly bean makers have to meet two different sets of regulations regarding jelly bean ingredients. Apparently, the rest of us are supposed to suddenly give a flying fuck.

Apparently, there may be a need to standardize jelly beans, and some people seem to be very concerned about that.

“'Is the sovereignty of Canada going to fall apart if we standardize the jelly bean?” Prime Minister Stephen Harper mused. “You know, I don't think so.”

No. Shit.

It’s at times like this that one doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at what often passes for political concerns vis a vis national sovereignty.

It’s not exactly as if jelly beans are an integral issue to national security. At best they’re a tasty, sugary, unhealthy, and delightfully addictive snack.

So if we need to standardize jelly beans (and one would think the word “need” would fall under very loose operation in this sentence), put your Nikes on and just do it.

At least the good people who make Jelly Bellies will be pleased to know we may be moving toward narrowing the jelly bean gap with fucking Candyland.

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