Sunday, January 06, 2008

God Love Him, But He Doesn't Stand a Chance

Perhaps in a perfect world Christopher Walken could be president

Christopher Walken is running for President of the United States of America.

We shit you not.

Christopher Walken, star of stage and screen, "has realized that the state of his country is in dismay, and the politicians in charge care less for the citizens they serve and more about fattening their resumes and campaign chests. Having residences both in rural Connecticut and upper-west Manhattan, he sees that all walks of life are becoming disgruntled and apathetic towards the American government, and feels a duty, as a child of the American public, to restore the peace, prosperity, and greatness of the United States."

God love him, the man is a fantastic actor, perhaps one of the best ever. But he doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of being elected President, although one can't blame him for trying.

There are numerous reasons for this. First off, considering that Walken hasn't declared any party affiliation yet, one assumes that he's planning to run as an independent. Unfortuantely, independents just aren't viewed as credible presidential alternatives, especially not in the hyper-partisan politican environment of today's United States.

Running as an independent candidate will also place Walken at a massive financial disadvantage, with no sophisticated party fund-raising machinery to raise the billions of dollars necessary to wage a successful presidential campaign.

Secondly, while other candidates who will have this advantage are battling it out for a nomination in the high-profile primary races, Walken has yet to even fully define what is platform would be. As it stands right now, Walken seems to want to campaign on the military, campaign finance reform, and stem cell research. (He supports all three.)

It isn't as if politics is entirely alien to Walken. And truth be told, he wouldn't make a terrible president -- certainly not so much as the president the United States has right now.

There's something to be said for someone who could scare the living shit out of Osama bin Laden just by talking and, at 65 years of age, could tap dance a storm around the Oval Office. Someone who, after enduring years of mockery on SNL, possesses the sense of humour necessary to put up with anything The Daily Show or Colbert Report could send his way. Someone who could make Bill Maher shit his pants on command.

He would certainly be the coolest president in recent history.

Then again, being cool isn't what the United States presidency is about. Christopher Walken can't win the presidency. Still, one can't fault him for trying.


  1. You have to walk before you can run. And Mr.Walken needs to be prominent in politics before he jumps at the top spot in government.

  2. I agree. But sometimes a presidential campaign itself can mean more than an actual victory.

    If Walken can formulate a message that appeals to Americans who are tired of business-as-usual politics, his campaign could turn out to have strong symbolic value.

    Then again, a lot of people have tried such campaigns in the United States, and their politics is still very much business-as-usual. One may make of it what they may.


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