Monday, May 07, 2007

What the Fuck!? Files Vol.2 - American Defence Contractors Apparently Retarded

American Defense Contractors Watching Too Many Bad Bond Flicks

In the most recent event in the chronicle of US security-inspired lunacy, it has been revealed that Canadian quarters are not outfitted as espionage devices.

In other words -- Canada is not spying on the US.


The story revolves around quarters released by the Canadian mint in 2004, with a coloured poppy in the center, to commemorate Remembrance Day. After discovering the coins in their pockets after a trip to Canada (quelle suprise!), the military contractors in question resorted to examining the quarters under a high-powered microscope, after deciding the coin's centre looked like it might be some sort of nano-technology.

You read it here: a nano-technology gap has emerged between the United States and Canada. In case of a Borg attack, the United States will be right royally fucked.

In 2004, the mind produced 30 million of these coins. In the eyes of paranoid military contractors, that's 30 million nanite coins just waiting to be smuggled into Area 51 -- or something.

But Cindy McGovern, a spokesperson for the Defence Security Service, has the whole matter cased. "We know where we made the mistake. The information wasn't properly vetted. While these coins aroused suspicion, there ultimately was nothing there."

No shit, sherlock.

But this isn't an isolated case of security-inspired lunacy in the United States. In February, LED signs promoting Turner Broadcasting's Aqua Teen Hunger Force were somehow mistaken for bombs. (Apparently, whoever reported the devices weren't Adult Swim watchers).

So, this is clearly a case for the "What the fuck!?" files. While the Department of Homeland security keeps cranking up the terror-alert warning over potential attacks from Osama bin Laden, Americans are shitting their collective pants over Igningot, Err and Canadian Quarters.

What the fuck...

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