Saturday, July 30, 2005
Save the Weinermobile!!!
PETA's back at it... and so am I
Hoo boy, PETA again. You would think at some point these people would stop giving me stuff to work with. Think again.
Recently, PETA issued one of their “action alerts” (basically their asshole cronies to act like assholes). This time, they are targeting none other than Oscar Meyer – purveyors of meat products (notably hot dogs), and that delightful song.
…My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R…
Wait. Where was I? Oh, right. Douchebags.
Of course, this isn’t your average douchebaggery. This is PETA-style douchebaggery (apparently, the self-righteous yuppies have a style all their own).
PETA has issued an action alert urging people to enter the “Ride of Your Life” contest, in which 20 people will win the opportunity to use the beloved Oscar Meyer weinermobile for a full day. They have urged the people to win the contest to “put the weinermobile to use, PETA-style” (you can stop laughing any time now) in order to “show people how bad eating meat is for people and animals.”
Yes, that’s right. PETA desperately wants a weinermobile. More to the point, they want Oscar Meyer’s – whereas they could just fill a Chrysler P.T. Cruiser with as many of their members as can fit in it – which I’m guessing would be a lot of emaciated vegetarians. But that’s beside the point.
If anyone needed anything to convince them that PETA has entirely too much time on its hands – which, obviously it chooses to spend climbing onto that high horse they aren’t supposed to be riding (animals aren’t for our exploitation, you see).
Seeing as how encouraging people to act like assholes is all the rage these days, I’m throwing my hat into the ring. I will award an official “Nexus of Assholery” no-prize to anyone who will take the Oscar Meyer weinermobile, drive it to the PETA head office in Norfolk, Virginia and sell hotdogs in the parking lot in front of their building. I will award TWO of these priceless (albeit worthless) no-prizes to anyone who will eat a hotdog directly in front of anyone who comes out to complain. THREE if you spray them with mustard and set fire ants loose upon them!
…Wait… sorry. I forgot about all of those impressionable minds. I am joking (wink, wink) when I tell you that PETA (nudge, nudge) deserves to be humiliated. I am not at all serious (wink, wink) when I suggest that you should do this (nudge, nudge).